My Living Will

Fishery Falls, North Queensland

Can this be where our world is headed???

NEW School prayer:
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.

If scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene..
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all..
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.

We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
and pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks...
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's 'inappropriate' to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such 'judgments' do not belong..

We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles..
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.

It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!

Amen

A kid in Arizona wrote this

Queensland floods

A prayer for those suffering through the worst floods Queensland has seen in several decades, our sympathy goes to those who have lost loved ones and our prayers for those who are still unaccounted for, may they be found safe and sound.

Interesting Immigration Statistics

One for the mice

As we start 2011, I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally mixed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the
waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what
has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the
number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine
how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of
a public restroom.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every
envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the
$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating
in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I'll wake up in a bathtub full of
ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a
serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven
different types of cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the
microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face. Disfiguring me for
life.

I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle
infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore, and Uzbekistan .

I no longer buy biscuits from Woolies since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black
snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it
bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up $2.00 coin dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by a white tail
Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m.
tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician .

P. S.: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by
e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

NOW YOU ALL HAVE YOURSELVES A WONDERFUL DAY......AND A HEALTHY LIFE....Happy 2011 & welcome to the 20's 2nd decade

Truer words have never been spoken.............

The Meaning of Life in 13 Words



“Inside every older person

is a younger person wondering

what the f**k happened.”